Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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