If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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