My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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