i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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