i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
