There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i now understand why vodka
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
