So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
