her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
