If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
