btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
