My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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