I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
