I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
