Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
