brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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