Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
