remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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