i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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