for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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