that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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