so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
