I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
