wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
