I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
