the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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