This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
