The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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