was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
