and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
