Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
