Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
