none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
