Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
