The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
