I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
