Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
