i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
