I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
