i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
