my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
