Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
