Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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