tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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