God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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