i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
