I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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