Define "chronic" masturbator.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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