i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
