no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize