I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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