We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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